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  #741  
Old 10-16-2017, 01:12 PM
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A Police Officer radioed back to the station, "I have a situation here on this domestic violence call. The lady shot her husband for walking on the floor she just mopped."

Supervisor, "Well, have you arrested the lady?"

Police Officer, "Not yet. The floor is still wet."
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  #742  
Old 11-17-2018, 04:17 PM
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#polishforprez
 
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What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians?



















One hundred people who don't do dick.
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  #743  
Old 11-17-2018, 04:18 PM
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A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she faithfully stayed by his bedside day & night.

One day, in a moment of lucidity he gazed up at her and said, "You have always been at my side when things were at their worst."

"When I got fired, you were there."

"When my business failed, and we lost the house, you were there."

"When I got shot, you were there."

“When my health started failing, you were there."

"And you know what?,” he asked.

"What honey?" she replied lovingly, slipping her hand into his and giving it a squeeze.

He responded, "I think you bring me bad luck!!!"
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  #744  
Old 11-17-2018, 04:30 PM
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Father O’Malley and Father John had a long tradition of breakfasting on Tuesday mornings. One Tuesday Father O’Malley noticed that Father John was not riding his bicycle as normal. When he inquired, Father John said he didn’t know where it was and perhaps it had been stolen. Later the conversation turned to next Sunday’s sermons and Father John said he planned a sermon on the ten commandments.

On the next Tuesday morning, Father John was back to riding his bicycle again. When Father O’Malley asked how he had regained possession of his bike, Father John reminded him that he preached a sermon on the ten commandments. “When I got to the part about not coveting your neighbor’s wife, I remembered where I had left it.”
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  #745  
Old 06-20-2019, 10:58 AM
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My greatest fear is when I die my wife will sell the Porsches for what I told her I paid for them.
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  #746  
Old 06-20-2019, 06:35 PM
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A business executive discovers his secretary is willing to go away with him for a romantic weekend. He calls his wife and tells her that some of his buddies have put together a last minute fishing trip, and would she pack some clothes for him. He said he'd stop by the house on the way to pick up his suitcase, as well as his fishing rod and tackle box. And he asked her to please make sure to pack his silk pajamas, too.

When he returned, his wife asked him if he had a good time. He said yes, and that they caught a bunch of fish. But, he told her that she had forgotten to pack his silk pajamas. She told him that she hadn't forgotten.......she had packed them into his tackle box.
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Currently
- 1984 944 SP2 racer
- 1977 911 KM Special vintage racer
- 1989 944S2
- 2012 Cayman R (also the wife's)
- 2000 Boxster S (the wife's)

- 1995 993 (garage queen)
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Gone but not forgotten
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  #747  
Old 06-21-2019, 10:00 AM
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How do you get a blonde to marry you?

Tell her she's pregnant.
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