Unofficial Dorki Joke thread - Page 51 - Dorkiphus.net
Navigation » Dorkiphus.net > Miscellaneous Discussions > Miscellaneous Discussions » Unofficial Dorki Joke thread

Miscellaneous Discussions Off Topic (OT) items that really don't fit into any other Category

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #501  
Old 02-29-2012, 09:54 AM
HoodPin's Avatar
HoodPin HoodPin is offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Monrovia, MD
Posts: 10,688
HoodPin
Default

ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2012 EUROPE
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya, Egypt and Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniforms and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

Australia ,meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person.
__________________
- Tony P.

Currently
- 1984 944 SP2 racer
- 1977 911 KM Special vintage racer
- 2012 Cayman R (also the wife's)
- 2000 Boxster S (now mine)

- 1995 993 (garage queen)
- 2007 Cayman S (wife's track beast)
- 2017 F350 (tow monster)
- 2018 Jeep Wrangler

Gone but not forgotten
- 1989 944S2
- 1979 RX7
- 1986 944
- 1991 944S2 (in car heaven...)
- 2001 Chevy Suburban 2500 (FIL's beast now)
Reply With Quote
  #502  
Old 02-29-2012, 10:55 AM
APKhaos's Avatar
APKhaos APKhaos is offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: McLean, VA
Posts: 3,715
APKhaos
Default

Quote:
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
Had to laugh at that one [sorry Dirk].
__________________
Tony K
PCA Potomac, Rennlist Member
89 944 Turbo
85 Carrera - Sold
TrackVision
944Cup
Reply With Quote
  #503  
Old 02-29-2012, 11:25 AM
Landjet Landjet is offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 2,917
Landjet
Default

Haggis will do that to a guy.
Reply With Quote
  #504  
Old 02-29-2012, 02:28 PM
Chopper Dropper's Avatar
Chopper Dropper Chopper Dropper is offline
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Easton, Md
Posts: 3,218
Chopper Dropper
Default

It's the pipes, everyone flees before the pipes!!
Dirk
__________________
Safety Chair, PCA Potomac Region
Retired DE Chair, PCA Potomac Region.
Retired Co-Chief Instructor PCA Potomac 2008-2012
1971 914/6 (Factory) 3.2 Track car
1988 911 Targa
1986 944
Reply With Quote
  #505  
Old 02-29-2012, 02:30 PM
roundel's Avatar
roundel roundel is offline
Wanted: safety chair.
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Phoenix, MD
Posts: 5,516
roundel
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chopper Dropper View Post
It's the pipes, everyone flees before the pipes!!
Dirk
Sorry to hear that Dirk. I have the opposite experience.
__________________
Bob
04 GT3
86 Carrera
97 318ti

"Guys, I'm coming in, I have too much grip."
Reply With Quote
  #506  
Old 03-09-2012, 04:33 PM
Chopper Dropper's Avatar
Chopper Dropper Chopper Dropper is offline
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Easton, Md
Posts: 3,218
Chopper Dropper
Default

Warning, do not be drinking anything!!!!


Mrs Brown and the Condom




__________________
Safety Chair, PCA Potomac Region
Retired DE Chair, PCA Potomac Region.
Retired Co-Chief Instructor PCA Potomac 2008-2012
1971 914/6 (Factory) 3.2 Track car
1988 911 Targa
1986 944
Reply With Quote
  #507  
Old 04-05-2012, 08:10 PM
Stinky Stinky is offline
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: bawlmer
Posts: 12
Stinky
Default

A while back, I picked up a lovely date at her parents' home.
I'd scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant.
She ordered the most expensive items on the menu. Shrimp cocktail. Lobster Patrone. Champagne.
I asked her, "Does your mother feed you like that when you eat at home?"
"No," she replied, "but my mother's not expecting to have sex with me tonight." I said, "Would you care for dessert?"
Reply With Quote
  #508  
Old 04-06-2012, 08:21 AM
good hands's Avatar
good hands good hands is offline
Pro DE driver
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: purcellville
Posts: 4,906
good hands
Default

My boss phoned me today, he said, "Is everything okay at the office?" I said, "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped."

"Can you do me a favor?" he asked. I said, "Of course, what is it?" "Speed it up a little, I'm in the foursome behind you."
__________________
Scott Bresnahan
Purcellville Va.
http://agent.allstate.com/SBresnahan/Welcome

2014 GTB1 World Champion
8 Time National DE champion

88 911 Cup
13 Boxster S
1969 Saab Sonett
2005 Cayenne
2013 Cayenne
2014 F150
Hurricane race trailer with A/C
05 Cup car
02 Koni 996
Reply With Quote
  #509  
Old 04-10-2012, 08:02 AM
roundel's Avatar
roundel roundel is offline
Wanted: safety chair.
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Phoenix, MD
Posts: 5,516
roundel
Default

Harry and his wife were driving in the country when he
saw a sign that said, "Cow For Sale: $5000"
He pulled in and said to the farmer, "There's
no cow in the world worth five thousand dollars."
The farmer said, "Oh, yeah? Take a look at this!" He lifted
the cow's tail, and Harry saw that the cow had a snatch just like a woman.
Harry got back in the car, turned to his wife, and began to cry,
"It's just not fair. Here's this farmer with a cow that has a snatch like
a woman and it's worth $5000. And here I am, with you, with a snatch
like a cow, and you ain't worth shit!"
__________________
Bob
04 GT3
86 Carrera
97 318ti

"Guys, I'm coming in, I have too much grip."
Reply With Quote
  #510  
Old 04-25-2012, 11:39 PM
aerokurt aerokurt is offline
Teaching Tech Since 1994
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Reston, Va. & Palm Springs
Posts: 142
aerokurt
Default

How to Piss Off a Frog
https://mail.google.com/mail/h/jf5qf...attd&safe=1&zw
__________________
Kurt
Reston Ph. 703 629 5878

1980 911 sc
'75 914 project
5000 lbs too much of 914 spares
2 1959 Lancia Flaminia's
1968 Ultravan
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump