[HoodPin]

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in
real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says,
'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

[tdatk]

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment."
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."

[HoodPin]

Someone shared this with me, and I thought it was worth passing along. From the mouths of babes......

A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are 6-year-oldfirst-graders, because the last one is a classic!

1.
Don't change horses
until they stop running.
2.
Strike while the
bug is close.
3.
It's always darkest before
Daylight Saving Time.
4.
Never underestimate the power of
termites.
5.
You can lead a horse to water but
How?
6.
Don't bite the hand that
looks dirty.
7.
No news is
impossible
8.
A miss is as good as a
Mr.
9.
You can't teach an old dog new
Math
10.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll
stink in the morning.
11.
Love all, trust
Me.
12.
The pen is mightier than the
pigs.
13.
An idle mind is
the best way to relax.
14.
Where there's smoke there's
pollution.
15.
Happy the bride who
gets all the presents.
16.
A penny saved is
not much.
17.
Two's company, three's
the Musketeers.
18.
Don't put off till tomorrow what
you put on to go to bed.
19.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and
You have to blow your nose.
20.
There are none so blind as
Stevie Wonder.
21.
Children should be seen and not
spanked or grounded.
22.
If at first you don't succeed
get new batteries.
23.
You get out of something only what you
See in the picture on the box
24.
When the blind lead the blind
get out of the way.
25.
A bird in the hand
is going to poop on you.

And the WINNER and last one!

26.
Better late than
Pregnant

[dalematt]

Originally Posted by denise993

This was told to me by a male friend who said I was the only girl he could tell this to... Looking back, I'm not sure that was a compliment.

"What's the difference between a circus big top and a bus load of Catholic high school girls?

One is full of cunning stunts."

That's kind of like the difference between a women's track team and a tribe of intelligent pygmies.....

One is bunch of cunning runts.....

[Jazzbass]

If you laugh at any of these, you were probably in one of my engineering classes...

~~~~~~~

- What's the opposite of ln(x)?
- Duraflame

~~~~~~~

Heisenberg is driving home from the lab one night when he's pulled over by a policeman. The policeman asks him "Do you realise how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg replies "No, but I know where I am."

~~~~~~~

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't

~~~~~~~

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. Upon being asked the price, the bartender responded, "For you? No charge."

~~~~~~~

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

[Vicegrip]

And one for the guys not in Engineering class.

There are three types of people in the world. Those that understand math and those that don't.

[Trak Ratt]

And for the analyst; there are two types of people in the world... no wait make that 3.... no, no 5. That's it then there are 8 types of people in the world

[smdubovsky]

Originally Posted by Jazzbass

Heisenberg is driving home from the lab one night when he's pulled over by a policeman. The policeman asks him "Do you realise how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg replies "No, but I know where I am."

LOLZ. Just when you'd thought you've heard them all...

[Jazzbass]

Originally Posted by smdubovsky

LOLZ. Just when you'd thought you've heard them all...

See? Engineers...

There's a similar joke I like as much: "Heisenberg was driving down the road. He looked at his speedometer and got lost."

[Vicegrip]

Think of the conversation after the cop that pulls him over asks the standard question of "How fast do you think you were going ?"