[good hands]

THE WEDDING TEST


I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she
had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!


With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.

[HoodPin]

....and this is what happens after the happy nuptials......

Why women should avoid a girls night out after they are married...
The other night a woman was invited out for a night with the 'girls.'
She told her husband that she would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, she headed for home. Just as she got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing her husband would probably wake up, she cuckooed another 9 times.
She was really proud of herself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed.... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning her husband asked her what time she got in. She told him'MIDNIGHT'... He didn't seem pissed off in the least.
"Whew, I got away with that one!" she thought. But then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When she asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its, throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

[}{arlequin]

this belongs here as well: http://dorkiphus.net/porsche/showthr...highlight=joke

[joep]

you just beat me to the punch line

Originally Posted by joep

I was bored and started looking for these. To date the best one I think of heard is this.

Q. What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?

A. The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

[LPM911]

so far these seem to be mostly marriage related jokes, so here's one:

Do you know about the 3 rings of marriage?

First there's the engagement ring, next is the wedding ring, and then the suffering.

[}{arlequin]

wait, marriage is a joke??


i don't get it...

[HoodPin]

Ok...here's something a bit different.....

Little Margaret Mary was not the best student in Catholic School Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 'Tell me Margaret Mary, who created the universe?'

When Margaret Mary didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

'God Almighty!' shouted Margaret Mary. The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Margaret Mary, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'

But Margaret Mary didn't stir from her slumber Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Margaret Mary in the butt with the pencil.

'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Margaret Mary and the Nun once again said,'Very good,' and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'

Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Margaret Mary jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that f***#@^ thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'

The nun fainted

[markwemple]

Tony, I heard the same joke but involved 2 nuns trying to get into heaven. Very funny!

[joep]

New sub thread: Bar jokes!

A guy walks into a bar...



























































then another guy walks into the same bar...






































































































the third guy ducks.

[Trak Ratt]

I seriously don't get it The last guys buys all the rest a round or he has to do a lotmore than duck