[roundel]

A Russian and a Norwegian wrestler (just happened to be named Ole) were set to square off for the Olympic Gold medal.

Before the final match, the Norwegian wrestling coach came to Ole and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished'. Ole nodded in acknowledgment.

As the match started, Ole and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing Ole and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the coach buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.

Suddenly, there was a scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the coach raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and Ole collapsed on top of him making the pin and winning the match. The crowd went crazy. The coach was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"

Ole answered, "Vell, I vas ready to give up ven he got me in dat hold, but at da last moment, I opened my eyes and saw dis pair of testicles right in front of my face.. I had nuttin' to lose so wid my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit dose babies just as hard as I could."

So the trainer exclaimed, "That's what finished him off!"

"Vel not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get ven you bite your own nuts!"

[HoodPin]

Medical distinction: We've all heard about persons having moxie
or cojones, but do we appreciate the differences and correct usage of these terms?

MOXIE - (adj.,Celtic orig.) Is arriving home late after a night out, being met
by one's wife and a broom, and having the moxie to ask: 'Are you still
cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

COJONES - (nn,Mex.orig.) Is coming home late after a night out, smelling of
perfume and alcohol, slapping your wife on the heinie and having the cojones to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'

Hopefully, this clears up any definitional confusion.
Despite the subtle distinctions, however, there is no actual difference in the consequences of
usage in practice. Both are likely to result in death.

[Trak Ratt]

Originally Posted by AJ986S

'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'
'You're next, Chubby.'
... Both are likely to result in death.

As my father used to say "if you wakeup at night smelling gas, it's to late to say your sorry!!!

[.:programmatore:.]

A man comes home from work one day to find 2 suitcases by the front door. He called out to his girlfriend.

Man: Honey, what's going on?

Girlfriend: [Comes storming into the room, very upset] I packed my stuff and I am leaving!

Man: Why are you leaving?

Girlfriend: Well, I was talking to our neighbors this afternoon and they told me you're a pedophile! I am out of here!

Man: Pedophile, huh? Wow. That's a pretty big word for a 12-year old.

[HoodPin]

If Dorki's were animals......

YouTube - Jungle alcohol tree1

YouTube - Jungle alcohol tree1

[HoodPin]

Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government official, 'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advance. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.'

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, 'Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?'

The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. 'When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.'

Then the chief leaned back and smiled. 'Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.'

[dweymer]

A little boy about 12 years old is walking down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door.

When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.

He said, 'I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it..

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, 'Do any of the girls have any diseases?'

Of course the Madam said 'No'.

The boy said, 'I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber - THAT'S the girl I want.

Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right..

He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.

The Madam stopped him and asked, 'Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?

He said, 'Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE'S the prick who ran over my FROG!'

[dweymer]

more

[QuicChic]

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey, I have been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends for fishing. We'll be gone for a long weekend.

"This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a 3 day weekend...and also get out my rod and tackle box from the attic ? We're leaving at 4:30 pm from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. 'Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy, but, being the good wife, she does exactly what her husband asked.

Following the long weekend he came home a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish ?

He says, "Yes! Lots of Walleyes, some Bass, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do ?"

The wife replies, " I did. They're in your tackle box."

[Trak Ratt]

Originally Posted by QuicChic

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey, I have been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends for fishing. We'll be gone for a long weekend.

"This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion...

But did he get the promotion