[Drscope]

An Arizona Highway Patrol Officer stops a Harley Rider for exceeding the speed limit.

As he’s waiting for the old biker to get out his documents, he asks the man his name.
“Fred” says the biker.

“And what’s your last name Fred?” asks the cop.

“I don’t have one” says the biker, “I lost it”.

Well Fred, how did you loose your last name?

“It’s sort of complicated, but I’ll tell you if you can keep up.

I was born Fred Johnson. I grew up, and did very well while I was in school. Always on the honor roll.

I graduated at the top of my class in college and then went on to medical school. I did the internship and residency and became a doctor. So then I was Fred Johnson MD.

After a couple years I got board with being a doctor, so I went to dental school and I became a dentist. So then I was Fred Johnson MD,DDS.

When my practice began to grow I hired an assistant. She was beautiful and we often worked long hours together. And one night after a particularly long day, we started fooling around.

Then I got VD from my assistant. So I was Fred Johnson MD,DDS. with VD.

Well the ADA found out about the VD and they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson MD with VD.

Next the AMA found out the ADA had taken away my DDS because of the VD, and they took away my MD. Then I was Fred Johnson with VD.

Then the VD took away my Johnson, and now I’m just Fred.”

[joep]

My Dentist has two medical degrees. One for dentistry and the other for proctology.
He call's his practice "Holistic Medicine".

Every visit begins with a cavity search.

And I wish he'd wash his hands more often.

[HoodPin]

“I hate to have to tell you this”, said the Doctor in a sad compassionate voice, “but you have been unfortunately diagnosed with a highly contagious disease, we will have to quarantine you and you’ll only be fed cheese and bologna.”

“That’s terrible!” Said the distraught young man, quickly sitting down before he could faint. “I don’t know if I could handle being in quarantine…and the cheese and bologna diet…
What’s with the cheese and bologna diet anyway? I’ve never heard of such a diet before?!”

“It’s not exactly a diet”, responded the Doctor matter of factly, “it’s just the only food that will fit under the door!”

[joep]

My dad was a quiet man who rarely got angry, but when he did, he'd go into a frenzy. In a whirlwind of sockets and screwdrivers, everything in the house would have a brand new set of rotors, calipers, and pads installed.

My mom would cry and plead with him to stop braking things.

[HoodPin]

I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to pass gas. The place was packed but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my releases to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.
I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod with headphones.

[Baywatch]

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with the poor diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

[}{arlequin]

[BobNovas]

Morning Sex
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual
soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast,
wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she
turned to me and said softly,
"You've got to make love
to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either
still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not
wanting to lose the moment,
I embraced her and then Gave it my all; right there on the
kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the
stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked,
"What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
</SPAN>

[}{arlequin]

[Nerfbar]

Psychiatrist vs. Bartender
Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.

So I went to a shrink and told him: “I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”

“Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink. Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”

“How much do you charge?”

“Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.

“I'll sleep on it,” I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” He asked.

“Well, Eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck.”

“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now.”

It's always better to get a second opinion.