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Drscope · #**401** 08-25-2011, 12:22 PM

While hiking down along the border this morning, I saw a Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River; he was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying. Along with him was an illegal Mexican who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back.

If they didn't get help, they'd surely drown. Being a responsible Texan and abiding by the law to help those in distress, I informed the El Paso County Sheriff's Office and Homeland Security.

It is now 4 PM, both have drowned, and neither authority has responded. I'm starting to think I wasted two stamps...

Landjet · #**402** 08-25-2011, 04:14 PM

I'm surprised they didn't rush out to save both of them, and pitch an American taxpayer in their place.

Drscope · #**403** 08-30-2011, 06:13 PM

Fred works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling,
And plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she
Takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says,
""Hey, Fred! How ya doin?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Fred. "He's in my bowling league."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Fred if he'd like his usual and
Brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,
"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have
A Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Fred,
Starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Freddie.
Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Fred's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Fred follows and spots her getting into a taxi.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Fred tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken
Him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four
letter word in the book.
The cabby turns around and says,
"Geez Fred, you picked up a real b---h
This time."
Fred's funeral will be on Tuesday.

HateDCRoads · #**404** 08-31-2011, 08:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drscope

Fred works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling,
And plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she
Takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says,
""Hey, Fred! How ya doin?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Fred. "He's in my bowling league."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Fred if he'd like his usual and
Brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,
"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have
A Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Fred,
Starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Freddie.
Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Fred's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Fred follows and spots her getting into a taxi.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Fred tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken
Him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four
letter word in the book.
The cabby turns around and says,
"Geez Fred, you picked up a real b---h
This time."
Fred's funeral will be on Tuesday.

HoodPin · #**405** 08-31-2011, 09:45 AM

We're gonna miss Fred.

roundel · #**406** 09-01-2011, 08:55 AM

Paddy has broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him.

Mick says, "How you doin?"

"Paddy says, "Okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing."

Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters lying on the bed.

He says, "Your dad's sent me up here to have sex with both of you."

They say, "Get away with ya.... prove it."

Mick shouts downstairs, "Paddy, both of em?"

Paddy shouts back, "Of course both of em, what's the point of fuching one?"

Drscope · #**407** 09-01-2011, 02:51 PM

A guy is in line at the supermarket when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.

He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says, "Sorry, do you know me?"

She replies, "I may be mistaken, but I think you might be the father of one of my children!"

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, "No kidding?" he says. "Are you that stripper from my bachelor party that I screwed on the pool table in front of all my buddies while your girlfriend whipped me with some wet celery and jammed a cucumber up my ass?!"

"Um, no", she replied coldly, "I'm your son's English teacher".....