A funnier one:

There was a mouse and an elephant and they decided to go for a walk in the jungle together. So they set off walking and talking and were not really paying attention to where they were going, when all of a sudden the elephant fell in a hole.

"Oh My!" the elephant cried. "What will we do?...I can't climb out on my own".

"Don't worry" said the mouse. I'll just run back into town and get my Porsche and we will have you out of there in no time at all."


So the mouse ran back to town and got her porsche.

When she arrived back at the hole she backed the porsche up to the edge. The mouse then threw the elephant one end of a chain and secured the other end to her bumper.

"Here we go" the mouse yelled to the elephant as she put the Porsche in gear and pulled the elephant out of the hole.

"Thank you, thank you so much my friend!" said the elephant.

"My pleasure" said the mouse "Should we continue on our walk?"

The elephant agreed, but as he turned toward the mouse his trunk accidentally knocked her into the hole.

"Oh my goodness" the elephant wailed, "I'm so so sorry!...Oh, What are we going to do now. I'm too big to fit in your porsche!"

"Not a problem" the mouse responded "Just throw your dick down here" The elephant trusted the mouse so he threw his dick into the hole and the mouse climbed out on it.

Once she was out the elephant and mouse continued on their walk with no further mishaps.

And the moral of the story is... ?

"If you have a big enough dick you don't need a Porsche!"

Omg! Roflmao!!!

Sheep joke

A shepherd was looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a young man dressed in an Armani suit, Ray Bans, Rolex watch, White Cerutti shoes, tailor-made mauve shirt, with a Boss tie.

He gets out and asks the shepherd 'If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I keep one?'

The shepherd looks at the large flock of sheep and says 'Okay'.

The young man connects his laptop to his mobile phone/fax, enters the NASA website, scans the field using his GPS, opens the database linked to 60 Excel tables, filled with logarithms and pivot tables, and then prints out a 150 page report on his high tech mini printer. He studies the reports and says to the shepherd 'You have 1586 sheep'.

The shepherd replies, 'That's correct. You can have the pick of my flock.'

The young man packs away his equipment, looks at the flock and puts one into the boot of the Porsche.

As he is about to leave, the Shepherd says, 'If I can guess what your profession is will you return the animal to me?'

The young man thinks for a minute and says 'Okay'.

The shepherd says 'You are a Management Consultant'.

The young man says 'Correct, how did you know?'

The Shepherd replied, 'Simple. First you came here without being invited. Second you charge me a fee for something I already knew.

Third, you don't understand anything about my business. - Now, can I have my dog back?'

-author unknown

Oh Gawd, that's good!!!!!!!!